


Locked Out Of Heaven

by RefuseToBeForgotten



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, One Night Stands, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 08:20:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9376502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RefuseToBeForgotten/pseuds/RefuseToBeForgotten
Summary: Steve Rogers feels empty almost constantly since his mom died. The only time he doesn't is when Bucky Barnes, some random guy he met in a bar one lonely night, is balls deep in his ass.Bucky Barnes doesn't talk about what happened to him, never talks what happened to him when he was just eighteen. He constantly feels like he is going to break down.But not when Steve Rogers looks at him and smiles.This is the story of how Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes put themselves back together.





	1. Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> WOW I HAVE BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG BUT I AM BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER!  
> But I'm still the same trash.

 

Steve felt like his body was on fire, edging away the cold he felt constantly. He just needed someone else, someone else to make him forget about the pain for just a little while and he would he fine.

His hands were everywhere, pushing Steve’s shirt up as he kissed down his stomach and slid to his knees. Icy blue eyes looked up at Steve through thick eyelashes. He slowly unzipped Steve’s jeans, rubbing his cock in his briefs. Steve felt his body flushing, making him arch his hips into the man below him.

“Shit,” Steve breathed, tangling his hand into that thick, curly dark hair. The man on his knees smiles something devilish and pulled Steve’s cock free from its prison. Steve hissed, his teeth coming down to pull his lip into his mouth.

The dark-haired man gave his cock a lick, base to tip, and groaned. “Fuck, you have such a pretty cock.”

Steve chuckled, curling his fingers into that curly hair as he took him into his mouth. Steve let his head fall back on the bathroom wall with a soft clunk. Steve needed this, needed someone to love him, even if it was just for tonight. All he wanted was a quick fuck from this guy and he’s be on his way.

So, here he was, hips canted out and gently thrusting into the mouth of a man with gorgeously icy eyes. Steve was so fucked. Those eyes were going to be the death of him. He closed his eyes, knawing at his lip as the man on his knees brought Steve higher and higher into euphoria.

“Ah- “Steve started, realizing that he didn’t know the name of the man who had his lips wrapped around Steve’s cock. “What’s your name?” He breathed, pulling the man’s head off his cock.

“Bucky,” The man, Bucky, breathed, eyes fluttering open.

“Yours or mine, Buck?” Steve asked, pulling the man to his feet and kissing him. Fuck, his lips were so soft.

“Doesn’t matter. Just want to fuck you.” Bucky said against his lips, hands running down his chest and tweaking his nipples. Steve gasped, arching into Bucky.

 

Somehow, they managed to end up at Steve’s apartment, holding themselves together until they walked through the door. Bucky was back on Steve, pushing him into the wall of his hallway and grinding their hips together.

“Mm, fuck, where’s your bedroom?” Bucky asked, yanking off Steve’s shirt.

Steve untangled himself from Bucky, grabbing him by the hand and leading him farther into his apartment. He felt his hip catch on the side table next to his couch, causing him to falter and grunt.

“Fucking shit,” he hissed, rubbing the spot the corner slammed into.

“You alrigh’ there, doll?” Fuck, his accent was going to kill him. Steve had lived his Brooklyn his entire life and he’s never heard that accent sound so sexy.

“Yeah, just not used to being this size.” Steve huffed, laughing as he did. Steve pushed open the door to his bedroom, pulling Bucky with him.

Bucky pushed Steve onto his bed, pulling his shirt off. Steve sat up, running his hands down Bucky’s broad chest. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous.” He breathed, kissing his chest.

Bucky ran his hands through Steve’s hair before shoving him back onto the bed. Steve felt the air rush out of his lungs, face flushing. The same devilish smirk crossed Bucky’s face, licking his lips and humming.

“What should I do with you?” Bucky asked, crawling over Steve, and boxing him in with his body. “Should I fuck you nice and hard until you see God?”

_God, yes, anything to make me forget this feeling. Just make me forget._

“Ah, fuck, anything you want, Buck,” Steve moaned, arching into him. “I don’t care.” Steve pulled down Bucky for a kiss, tugging his bottom lip into his mouth and sucking on it. He felt Bucky’s hands run down his chest, pinching his nipples. Steve groaned and arching into him.

Bucky pulled away, sitting back and unbuckling Steve’s belt. “Fuck, I want my mouth on your dick again.” He said, yanking his jeans, and briefs off all together.

Steve was completely naked, staring up at the man above him. “I think you’re a little over dressed for the party, babe.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Bucky said, smirking and standing up. He undid his belt, holding eye contact with Steve. He slid his jeans and boxers down his thighs, those thick thighs that made Steve dizzy. “Better?’

Fuck. This must be what heaven is like.

Bucky was back over Steve in an instant, kissing him and reaching for his cock. “Where’s your stuff?” He asked, kissing down the side of his face and neck.

“Bed side table, top drawer.”

Bucky was gone and back before Steve knew what was happening. He heard the cap on the lube opening, the sound of it squirting onto Bucky’s fingers. Bucky’s lips were on his, easing Steve into the feeling of one of this slim fingers sliding into his body. Steve groaned, his head turning away from Bucky.

“Like that, doll?” Steve heard that voice purr. The finger inside him was flexing, pushing in and out, and driving Steve insane.

“Mm, yeah, Buck. Feels s’good.” Steve all but whimpered. He wanted, needed more. “Fuck, gimme more, Buck. I ain’t made of glass.” Bucky chuckled, low and dark, before pushing another finger into him. He spread his finger apart, fucking them into Steve’s body, taking Steve closer and closer to paradise.

After what felt like hours, Bucky was pulling his fingers free. Steve whined at the loss, opening his eyes that he didn’t know had closed. Bucky smiled, biting his lip and he stroked himself through the condom.

“Ready, baby?”

All Steve could do was nod.

Bucky leaned over Steve, kissing him hard before pushing himself into Steve hard.

“Fuck!” Steve cried, throwing his head back and moaning. “Fuck me, Buck, oh please.”

_Make it go away. Make this feeling of constant breathlessness go away. Fill me up with something else._

Bucky growled, grabbing Steve’s arms and pinning them above his head. “Keep them there and maybe I’ll let you come.”

“Fuck,” Steve breathed, grunting as Bucky slammed into him again.

Steve was a big guy. It took a lot to move him. And Bucky was a lot. Every thrust, every push into his body, Steve was being pushed forward.

And he couldn’t get enough.  He was addicted to this man already.

Bucky brushed over his prostate. Steve all but screamed, willing himself not to come yet. He wasn’t done. He needed more.

Bucky grinned, licking over his lips and humming. “You like my cock, Stevie? Does it feel good, baby doll?”

Steve whined, nodding feverishly. “Fuck, yeah, Buck. I love it!”

Bucky sped up his pace, fucking into Steve harder. Steve felt his eyes roll back into his eyes. He wasn’t going to last. He was going to come.

“Buck-“ Steve tried, gasping as Bucky continued his heavy pace.

“Yeah, doll?’ Bucky panted, looking down at Steve, icy blue eyes almost glowing at him in the darkness,

“I’m so close, Buck. I ain’t going to last.”

Bucky smiled, pressed his face into Steve’s neck as he fucked into him harder. He bit at Steve’s ear lobe, breathing hot air over already too hot skin. “Come for me, Stevie.”

And he did. Steve arched his back, screaming Bucky’s name as he came all over himself.

 _Finally,_ he thought. _Finally, I’m warm._

 

Steve woke up with a start, sitting up and looking around. There were clothes on the floor that weren’t his and his room reeked of sex.

So, last night wasn’t a dream.

But then where was Bucky?

The door to his bathroom opened, making Steve jerk his head over in that direction.

“Morning, Stevie,” Bucky greeted.

Steve felt heat pull into his stomach, the memory of that name from the night before sent shivers down his spine.

Fuck, last night _really_ wasn’t a dream then.

Steve blinked, looking at Bucky in utter shock. “Uh, morning.” Shit, he was even more beautiful in the soft light of the morning. “Have you been up long?”

Bucky smiled, shaking his head, and crawling into Steve’s lap and kissing him softly on the mouth. “Listen to you, so polite.”

Steve rested his hands on Bucky’s hips, thumbs rubbing the bone that was cutting out of his skin.

“What kind of pancakes do you like?” Steve asked, knowing that he needed to send his guest home with a full stomach. He made Steve feel like he was okay.

“Anything you’ll make me.” Bucky said, swinging his legs off Steve and pulling on his briefs. “You make all your one night stands breakfast?”

Steve laughed, shaking his head as he got up too. “Only the ones who make me come like you did last night.”

 

Hours later, when Bucky had left, Steve sat in the corner of his shower, eyes staring into the distance as the warm water washed over his body. He didn’t feel the heat. All he felt was cold. The memory of her being gone washed back over him. She wasn’t come back. Steve pulled his legs up to his chest, shoulders shaking as he started to cry. He missed her so much. It was like someone had stolen the air out of his lungs. Steve’s mother was gone and she was never coming back.

 

When he finally got out of the shower, Steve noticed that the little light on his phone was blinking. He picked it up, unlocking it and seeing that Bucky had texted him a bunch of times. How did he get Steve’s number?

 **Sexy guy from the bar** : I had a lot of fun last night. We should do that again sometime.

What the fuck? He wanted to see Steve again? Also, he needed to change that name Bucky put himself under.

 **Me:** Yeah, we should. Friday sound okay?

 **Bucky:** Sounds great! See you then J

Well. This was okay, he guessed. At least he wouldn’t have to feel so empty all the time.


	2. I'm In Love With The Shape Of You

 

He feels it mostly at night, the aching feeling that fills him when he’s alone and it’s quiet. Bucky stares, eyes connecting with the hole he had punched through the wall during a blinding moment of rage and fear. This happens too often. He needs to start seeing Sam again.

He never talks about it. He never talks about what happened to him when he was fighting for his country. He never talks about how the men that were supposed to watch his six, supposed to fight with him, had done something worse than a bullet to the dick. He never talks about the night when his innocence was stolen, when some guy he barely knew, and foolishly trusted, stole his virginity from him.

Bucky couldn’t tell anyone about this, about the constant state of fear is lived in. He certainly couldn’t tell Steve about the emptiness he felt at night, when he was alone with his thoughts. And, why should he? It isn’t like anyone can see his scars; they’re all covered in dark tattoos. Bucky can still feel the ghosting pain of those men crushing his bones, shattering his arm. He couldn’t tell Steve that he dealt with his trauma by fucking other guys, winning back the power that was stolen from him when he was just eighteen. He couldn’t tell Steve how he got those scars.

Bucky sits up, rubbing his face and groaning. He hates this, hates feeling completely broken all the time. He covers his face with his hands, dragging them over the skin. He wants to see Steve again, wants to see those bright eyes that always look desperate for something. The only time Bucky’s mind goes quiet is when Steve is near. They’ve only known each other for a few days but he already knows he’s too gone for the other man to back out now. Even if Steve only wants sex, Bucky will give him anything to be close to him and his warmth. He would still be able to touch that milky skin, see those blue, blue eyes that made his insides turn into goo. God, Steve looked stunning when they first met. Every time Bucky thinks of Steve, his heart flutters.

_It had been from across the club. He had a drink in his hand, leaning against the wall. Bucky smirked, pulling away from the guy he was dancing with. He kissed him and left with a “Sorry, babe. Gotta run,” before making his way over to Steve. The guy was too drunk to really know what was going on._

_Steve was wearing a button up, he noticed when he got closer, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Bucky couldn’t wait to run his hands over those thick forearms, vines pressing through the skin. He slid into the space next to Steve, leaning on the wall with him._

_“Hi,” Bucky said over the music. “Buy you a drink?”_

_“Already got one, thanks,” Steve said, holding his drink up for Bucky to see._

_“Aw, baby, don’t be like that. You’re too pretty to be standing here by yourself.” Bucky replied, smiling sweetly._

_“I ain’t your ‘baby’,” Steve sneered. “What do you want?”_

_“Just a dance, since you don’t want a drink.” Bucky pleaded._

_“No.”_

_“Aw, come on, sugar. I’ll make it worth it while.”_

_Steve had rolled his eyes, draining his drink, and setting the empty glass on the bar. “If I dance with you, will you go away?”_

_“Maybe,” Bucky purred, running his hand down those forearms. Shit, his skin was so fucking soft._

_Steve let Bucky lead him to the dance floor, letting him place his hands on those narrow hips. They swayed to the beat, Steve letting Bucky match the pace while he followed. Steve’s ass was fucking beautiful, round, and thick. Bucky wanted to sink his teeth into it, slap it until Steve couldn’t sit._

_“You’re so sexy.” Bucky purred, running his hand over Steve’s thigh to pull him closer to his body._

_Steve, clearly enjoying himself from how tight his pants had gotten, turned a little to look at Bucky. “Still ain’t going home with you, punk.”_

_Shit, he figured Bucky out this quick. Time to turn it up a notch._

_“You don’t have to, baby doll. I’ll get on my knees for you right now. I’m sure your cock is fucking incredible.”_

Recalling the memory made Bucky hard and hot almost immediately. Shit, he really didn’t want to deal with this right now. But the memory of fucking Steve, watching that body bounce as he pounded into him, was too good. Bucky slipped his sweatpants off, hissing as cool air ghosted over his cock. He wrapped a hand around himself, groaning at the skin on skin feeling. He pulled his hand up, biting his lip. He could remember what Steve’s lips looked like after Bucky had sucked on them, puling red blood to the surface of the skin. He could remember how sweetly Steve keened for him, whimpering as Bucky fucked into him, holding his hands above his head. Before he knew it, Bucky felt the familiar heat washing over him. He was so close so soon. He whined, biting his lip as he stroked himself faster.

“Fuck,” He moaned, coming over his hand and stomach. Bucky grabbed a tissue off the bedside table, glancing over and seeing his phone.

 

Me: **Up for coffee later?** Bucky typed.

Steve texted back almost instantly. He probably just had his phone in his hand.

Sexy Steve: **Always: )**

 

Steve didn’t realize that Bucky had tattoos, all over his arm. The ink looked like metal plating all over the skin. It almost made his whole arm look metal. How did he notice that before? The looks a little hard to miss. Bucky had a star, dark burgundy color, on his bicep. Steve was a little too focused on Bucky’s lips and his cock the last time they were together. Bucky was talking, gesturing his hands around.

“Steve?” Bucky asked, his head tilted gently. “You there?”

“Huh?” Steve said, pulling his eyes away from Bucky’s forearm and the tightly woven vines that curled up his other arm. There were yellow flowers, the closed blossoms nestled safely into their leaves. “Sorry, your tattoos just…” Steve trailed off, smiling, and ducking his head. “They’re amazing.”

Bucky flushed, but just barely. It was gone before Steve looked up, flashing those bright blue greens with yellow wrapped around his pupil. Steve’s eyes could drive a man crazy, and that’s exactly what they’re doing to Bucky. “I’m a little surprised you didn’t notice them before.”

“Well, I was a little focused on something else.”

Bucky laughed, leaning forward, and taking a sip from his coffee. They were at a tiny coffee shop. Bucky had texted and asked Steve to meet him there, saying he wanted to get to know him better. Steve couldn’t complain. He got to be around Bucky and those icy blue eyes. Fuck, they look even better than they did in the daylight, holy shit.

What Steve also didn’t notice when they first met is the gentle black that lined Bucky’s eyes. It made the grey in his eyes stand out more. It also made Steve’s cock throb. The sides of his head were shaved too, exposed by the way his hair was pulled into a bun. His eyebrow was also pierced, a little bar sitting in the arch.

“Hey, can we go outside for a few? I need a cigarette.”

Oh, dear God. Jesus, why are you doing this to him? What fresh hell was this torture? He smokes too?! Steve was going to lose his goddamn mind because of this guy.

“Yeah, sure.” Steve answered, pushing his chair back and standing. Then he noticed that Bucky was wearing black skinny jeans, the tight fabric clinging to his thighs and ass.

Fuck. Him. Someone must really be out to get him.

 

Steve looked so beautiful in the sunlight. His hair shined a golden color, glossy and almost blinding. Bucky distracted himself with his cigarettes, sticking one between his lips. He cupped his hands around it, lighting it before drawing in a breath. The nicotine rushing to his brain and instantly calming him down.

“How long have you smoked?” Steve asked, looking over at him. Smoke curled out of Bucky’s plush lips as he looked over.

“Since I was eighteen, I think. I can’t really remember when I started.” He heard Steve hum softly, a sound that reminded him of the sounds of their last encounter. Bucky looked over at Steve, smiling as he blew more smoke from his lips.

“That’s so sexy,” Steve said without thinking. Jesus, Rogers, could you be any weirder?

Bucky smirked, coming a little closer to Steve. “You think so?” He purred.

Steve flushed, looking down at his shoes, nodding. He felt Bucky’s fingers under his chin, making Steve look at him before he let more smoke curl out of his mouth.

“Fuck…” Steve breathed, grabbing Bucky by his collar and kissing him. He could feel the metal from Bucky’s lip rings pressing into his bottom lip. If Bucky kept getting hotter every time they saw each other, Steve going come in his pants for sure.

“Lemme take you out tonight,” Bucky breathed, smiling against Steve’s lips. “Let’s go to a club, actually be together instead of just being a quick fuck.”

“You go out to coffee with quick fucks often, Buck?” Steve said, a smirk breaking over his features.

“Punk,” Bucky laughed, kissing Steve again. “Pick you up at eight?”

 

 

 

Steve was going to lose his mind. He had no idea what to wear. He had clothes strewn all over his room, standing shirtless with a pair of dark jeans low slung on.

“Fuck me, honestly,” Steve groaned, falling backwards onto his bed. His phone pinged, a text displaying on the screen that said Bucky was on his way. Steve groaned louder, slamming his hand onto his forehead. “Kill me, God. Just smite me now.” Steve sat up, rubbing his hands over his face before standing. He looked at his closet again, hands on his hips. Bucky seemed to go crazy for him the night they met, the night was wearing just a plain V-neck shirt. He walked over to his dresser, pulling over a drawer, and grabbed a soft green t-shirt. He tugged it over his head, sighing as his phone pinged again. Fucking fuck, Bucky was here.

Steve grabbed his jacket and left, locking his door behind him. He walked down the stairs, shoving his hands in his pockets. Bucky was standing at the bottom of the stairs leading into his apartment building, smoking a cigarette. He was just as gorgeous as this afternoon, wearing the same tight jeans but a different shirt, one that was billowy and soft looking.

“Hey, beautiful,” Bucky purred, blowing through his lips as he smiled. He wrapped his arm around Steve’s shoulders and kissed his cheek. Steve smiled, wrapping his arm around Bucky’s shoulders.

“Hey, Buck,” he said. “How was the rest of your day?”

“I went to my shop for the rest of the day. I fix cars for a living.”

“Oh, wow…” Steve said, looking over at him. Bucky just got even hotter. He needed to stop doing that. “I’m an artist. I manage a gallery.”

They were approaching a club, there was a line outside. A slim, dark skin guy stood outside, checking IDs. He saw Bucky, smiling. “Bucky, hey!”

Bucky smiled, letting go of Steve to hug the man. “Hey, Sam!” Bucky looked over at Steve, motioning for him to come closer. “Steve, this is Sam.”

Steve smiled, reaching his hand out to shake his hand. “Nice to meet you. Need to see my ID?”

“Nah, man, you’re with Bucky. Go ahead in.”

Bucky smiled wider, wrapping his arm back around Steve. “Come on, gorgeous. Let’s go dance.” 

Steve let himself be led to the dance floor. He could feel the heavy beat of the music all over his body. Bucky placed his hands on Steve’s hips, pressing his chest to Steve’s back. Steve leaned back into Bucky, swaying his hips to the beat with Bucky.

“Fuck, you’re so gorgeous,” Bucky whispered in his ear. “Can’t believe you’re here with me.”

“Still not going home with you, punk,” Steve laughed, leaning back, and kissing him. Bucky kissed him back, a hand coming up to frame his face. Bucky laughed back, tugging on Steve’s lip.

“Get me a drink? I gotta piss.” Bucky said, pressing a kiss to Steve’s throat and nipping softly. Steve shivered, laughing, and turning to kiss Bucky on the mouth.

“Yeah, sure, Buck,” Steve said, pressing his body back into Bucky before he was released. Steve watched Bucky walk off in the direction of the bathroom before he went over to the bar. Steve ordered his drink, leaning his back against counter.

“Hey, sexy,” a gruff voice purred from behind him. A hand touched his hip, squeezing gently. “What’s a pretty thing like you doing here all alone?”

“Waiting for my boyfriend,” Steve growled, glaring at the man. He shook the man’s hand off his hip, steering at him. “Who wouldn’t be happy to see some scrub’s hands all over me.”

“Come on, baby, why don’t you dance with me?”

“I ain’t your baby, asshole.” Steve drained his drink, slamming his glass down and stalking off to the bathroom. Steve slowed as he approached the door, watching it swing open and Bucky stalking out.

“Hey, sugar,” Bucky purred, placing his hand on Steve’s hip and pressing a soft kiss to his lip. He could feel how stiff Steve was. “You okay?”

“Yeah, some guy was just all over me,” Steve said, nodding his head toward the bar. The guy had moved on to another victim already.

Bucky laughed, wrapping both arms around his waist and kissing him. “Why don’t we go back to my place and I’ll take you apart with my tongue?”

Steve flushed and nodded, biting his lip.

 

 

“B-Bucky!” Steve whined, gripping those dark brown locks. Bucky hummed, his tongue thrusting against his hole. He was pushing his finger into Steve, smiling against his skin when Steve whimpered.

“Like that, sugar? Like my fingers in your tight little ass? Want me to fuck you? Want me to fuck you and pump you full of my come?”

Steve whined, nodding his head, and grabbing for Bucky’s shoulders. “Yes, Buck, please!” Steve moaned, tugging his lips with his teeth. He looked so beautiful, glossy red lips between pearly white teeth. Bucky leaned down, kissing him before sucking on one of those pretty, red lips.

“You want my cock, baby?” Bucky purred. “You want me to fuck you so hard that you feel it for days?”

That’s all Steve wanted. He wanted to feel Bucky all over him, have his bruises pressed into his skin for weeks.  “Oh, fuck, Bucky, yes!” Steve whined, wrapping his legs around Bucky’s hips and flipping them over. Steve panted his hands on Bucky’s chest, leaning down to kiss him. “Wanna ride you, Buck,” Steve purred, sucking Bucky’s lip into mouth. God, he tasted so good. Steve looked down at Bucky, feeling those pretty grey eyes staring up at him.

“Fuck, Stevie,” Bucky gasped, sliding his hands up and down Steve’s thighs. He raked his nails over the smooth skin, watching red lines pop up over those milky white thighs. Steve groaned, biting his lip.  “You’re so pretty, Stevie.”

Steve groaned, arching into Bucky’s hands. He wasn’t usually into scratching and biting but everything was different with Bucky. Whenever Bucky was touching him, Steve’s mind was quiet. Steve reached over to the bedside table, grabbing a condom out of the drawer. He ripped it open, handing it to Bucky to slide it down his cock. Steve leaned down to kiss Bucky, humming when one of those calloused hands framed his face. Steve reached behind him, holding Bucky steady before he pulls away. Steve sinks down, a loud groan bubbling up from his throat.

“Fuck, Stevie, your ass feels amazing,” Bucky groaned, holding onto his narrow hips. He thrusts up into Steve, watching him tense and whine.

“Bucky!” He gasped, shaky hands grabbing at the brunet’s chest and shoulders. “Fuck, Bucky, your cock is so big!” He whimpered, rolling his hips, and arching his back. Steve pushed himself up on his knees, feeling Bucky slide out of him before he dropped back down. Bucky groaned, louder this time, thrusting his hips up into Steve, matching his pace.

“You’re so sexy, Stevie,” He breathed, biting his lip. Bucky has had sex with a lot of people, more than he cared to mention. But Steve, he was unlike all of them. He fucked like his life depended on it. He made sounds that went straight to Bucky’s cock, making him pulse and whine with every thrust. Steve felt like he was made for Bucky, their bodies fitting together like two halves of the same whole. Bucky looked up at Steve, whose eyes were closed. His shiny bottom lip was being pulled into his mouth by his painfully white teeth. God, he’s never seen anyone as gorgeous as Steve. Bucky ran his hands over Steve’s sides, raking his nails over his sides. Steve whimpered, throwing his head back, and pressing his hands into Bucky’s chest. He was so beautiful. It was almost like Steve was his own personal angel. Bucky ran his hands over the swell of Steve’s thighs, falling in love with the shape of his body.

“Buck,” Steve whined, pulling Bucky’s full attention back to Steve. “Baby, I’m not going to last.”

 _Thank God_ , Bucky thought.

“It’s okay, baby. Let go,” He panted, thrusting his hips up into Steve. He wrapped his hand around Steve’s cock, stroking him to their rhythm. Steve was making those high, desperate sounds; the ones that drive Bucky crazy. Steve dug nails into Bucky’s skin, cutting little half-moons into his chest.

“Oh, fuck, Bucky!” Steve cried, back arching as he slammed himself back down. He threw his head back and moaned, hot white streaks of come landing on Bucky’s stomach and chest. Steve was clenching down hard on Bucky, making him thrust back up into him.

“Shit, Steve!” He whimpered. Bucky’s back arched off the bed. He felt like he was coming apart at the seams. Bucky felt his body pulse, coming so hard he saw black spots behind his eyes. He felt he was swimming, legs quaking softly with every new stream of come that pumped into Steve.

 Bucky felt something touching his face, blurry grey eyes opening to see it was Steve. He was smiling, blue eyes looking far away and blissful. “God, you’re gorgeous…” Steve whispered, leaning down to kiss him.

Bucky smiled, running his hand down Steve’s sweaty back. He kissed back, humming against Steve’s mouth. “Fuck, that was amazing.”

Steve laughed, pulling himself off Bucky and falling onto the bed next to him with a grunt. He pulled the condom off Bucky, ties it off, and sets it on top of the wrapper that it came in. Steve felt arms wrapping around his waist, making him jump. Bucky kissed the space between his shoulder blades, chuckling a little. Steve turned in his arms, hands settling on lean shoulders. He ran his hands over the colored ink on Bucky’s skin, sighing wistfully.

“I’ve always wanted a tattoo,” Steve said, looking back up at Bucky.

“Why haven’t you ever gotten one?” Bucky asked, pulling one of Steve’s hands off his shoulder and tangling their fingers together.

“I was always so busy,” Steve laughed, tracing one of the golden flower buds on Bucky’s bicep.

“My friend owns a tattoo shop. I’ll take you when if you ever decided to get one,” Bucky said, kissing Steve softly. “I’ll get one with you.”

“Will you hold my hand, Buck?” Steve joked, leaning back to look at him.

“You know it, babydoll.”

 

 


	3. Baby, You're The Highlight Of My Lowlife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve can't make up his mind; does he want Bucky or does he not?
> 
> Chapter Warning: Gun violence, blood, mentions of surgery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you so much for sticking around with me. I've been really busy. 
> 
> For those who came for the Daddy Kink tag, let me know in the comments. I can't seem to fit it into this fic. But if you want that from me, let me know and I'll start working on something for you guys.
> 
> Oh and just to be clear, the italicized parts are all part of a dream Steve is having while he's going in and out of consciousness. 
> 
> Love you guys!  
> Message me on tumblr if you wanna be friends!  
> http://addicted-to-benadryl.tumblr.com/

Bucky ran his hand down Steve’s back, feeling the sun-warmed skin. He smiled, watching the blonde sleep; pretty pink mouth open just a little as he snored softly. He let his hand wander back up play with the baby soft hair that was at the base of Steve’s neck. God, he was stunning. Bucky never stayed long after he slept with someone. He would wait for them to fall asleep and then he was gone, leaving them a note with his number and to call him for a good time.  But with Steve, it felt different; he felt like he could spend his whole life with Steve and every day he would find out something new, something more interesting than he found the day before. Steve’s smile was like breathing, easy and perfect. It left Bucky feeling like he was glowing and aching at the same time.

 

Steve stirred, pulling Bucky away from his thoughts. “Momma?” He murmured, baby blue eyes blinking open. He started and his eyes went wide, pushing himself away from Bucky, face flushed. He looked ashamed, like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

 _Momma?_ Bucky thought, brows knitting together.

Bucky felt awkward, like he had seen something that Steve wasn’t ready to show him. He grabbed his boxers off the floor, standing and pulling them on. He looked over at Steve, who was lost in his own world. He was half way into his shirt when he heard Steve make a sound, somewhere between a whimper and a gasp. Bucky looked over his shoulder, seeing Steve flushed and eyes shiny. Bucky rushed over to him, taking his face in his hands.

“Steve, what’s wrong?” Bucky asked, wiping a tear away as he slipped down his cheek.

Steve shook his head, leaning his face into Bucky’s hand. “You probably think I’m so weird, waking up and asking for my mom,” Steve rushed out, laughing humorlessly. He took a deep breath before he started talking again. “My mom used to hold me like this when I was little while I slept. I always sick as a kid and she wanted to make sure I didn’t stop breathing in my sleep.” Steve sniffed, wiping his face. “She died a few months ago.”

Bucky’s heart sank. “Stevie,” he whispered, pulling the blonde into his arms and resting his chin on the top of his head. “’m so sorry.”

“She had cancer,” Steve murmured, flexing and relaxing his hands against the brunet’s chest. “She was sick for years, never told anyone. She didn’t tell me until I found her throwing up blood in the sink.” He leaned back, sighing, and rubbing his face, all he wanted to do was go home and cry in the privacy of his own home.  “I think I might head out, man.”

 _What the fuck? He’s never called me “man” before._ “A-Are you sure? I mean, you don’ have to.” Shit, did he do something wrong?

Steve looked up at him, sighing. He didn’t want to go, but he had to. Bucky didn’t need to see this side of him. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “I think I might have over stayed my welcome.”

Bucky could see the blank look in those blue eyes, the same look that Bucky sees in himself when he tells people he’s fine.

Steve pulls his boxers back on and is looking for his shirt when Bucky wrapped his arms around his narrow waist. The blonde jumped, looking over his shoulder at Bucky. He cupped Steve’s jaw in one hand, leaning forward and kissing him. Steve kissed back easily, sighing against Bucky’s lips. He pulled away slowly, leaning their foreheads together. “I really should go.”

The words hurt for Steve to say and hurt Bucky even more to hear. “Yeah, okay.” Bucky whispered, biting his lip, and pulling away. He turned away from Steve, crossing his arms over his chest. Bucky listened to Steve putting on his clothes, blue eyes fixed on the window. He heard the clinking of Steve belt buckling, the soft sound of his feet sliding into his shoes. Bucky couldn’t move. He felt his chest tightening, felt his eyes stinging with tears just waiting to be shed. He couldn’t cry, not while Steve was still here.

Steve walked over to him, placing a hand on his hip before pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. “I’ll call you, okay?”

Bucky nodded, wiping at his face. “I’ll walk you out.” He turned, clearing his throat, and padding out of the room without looking at Steve. He heard Steve following him as he headed down through his apartment and into the entryway. Bucky unlocked the door, turning, and finally looking at Steve. The blonde looked guilty, like he had been caught with his head in the cookie jar. He sighed, broad shoulders heaving with it.

“I hope you know,” Steve started, eyes cast downward. He was fiddling with the hem on the sleeve of his jacket. “I really do like you. The time I’ve spent with you as been really great.”

 _Here we go,_ Bucky thought. _We aren’t even dating and he’s breaking up with me._

“There’s a ‘but’ in there, ain’ there?” Bucky said, leaning his shoulder against the wall.

Steve bit his lip, nodding his head. “I just don’t think I’m ready for something serious right now.”

Bucky felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. He felt stupid for being so attached to someone he barely knew. He looked up, licking his lips before pulling one into his mouth with his teeth. “I mean, I can understand why. But I can’ say ‘m not disappointed.”

Shifting his gaze up, Steve looked at what he had done. Bucky was so willing to take anything he could throw at him. Bucky was willing to take Steve with open arms. “I’m sorry.”

Bucky nodded, pushing off the wall and opening the door. “Call me if you want to go out again.”

Steve nodded, knowing at his lip again as he walked through the door. His body was screaming to not leave, to stay with Bucky where he felt safe and happy. He paused, looking over his shoulder. Bucky had already shut the door. Steve felt his heart clench, making it a little harder for him to breathe. He messed up so bad.

 

 

Steve called Bucky a week later, asking if they could go for a walk. And against his better judgement, Bucky jumped at the chance to see the blonde again. They decided to meet at the coffee shop they met at before. Bucky stood outside, a to-go cup filled with sweet milky coffee to keep his hands warm and his nerves calm. Steve arrived a few minutes later, running a hand through his hair. He was wearing the same khaki pants he wore the last time they were here, a different shirt this time. This one was black, the dark color harsh against the blonde’s soft skin tone and pale eyes.

“Hey, thanks for meeting me,” Steve said, hugging Bucky’s side and kissing the crown of his hair.

Bucky smiled, leaning into him. “No problem, I wanted to see you.”

Steve looked a little startled, eyebrows knitting together. “Really? I thought I fucked up real good the last time we were together.”

Bucky shook his head, lacing his free hand with Steve’s. “It’s hard to open up to someone that’s doesn’t really know you that well.”

They were rounding a corner when a girl screamed. Steve stiffened, looking down the alley. A big guy, taller than Steve and thicker than Bucky, had a girl pushed against a wall.  Steve started down the alley toward the couple when Bucky grabbed his wrist.

“Steve, don’t be ridiculous. That girl is fine. I’m sure that guy is just her boyfriend. “

“Really, Buck? I can’t just leave this alone; he’s big enough to kill her.” He started walking towards the girl, broad shoulders squared and ready for a fight. Bucky sighed and followed close behind.

“Hey!” Steve yelled, causing the guy to jump and look over at Steve. Bucky walked a little closer, ready to pull Steve out of the fight if it gets bad. “What do you think you’re doing, picking on a lady like that?”

The guy sneered, rolling his eyes and going back to the horrified girl in front of him. “This doesn’t concern you, fag. Keep walking.”

“Ex-fucking-cuse me?” Steve growled, rushing the guy and yanking him off the girl. “You wanna say that again, pal?”

Bucky ran for the girl, pulling her away from the two. “Are you okay?” She looked panicked, eyes darting over to where Steve had slammed the guy into the wall

 ”He’s got a-“

A loud bang went off. Bucky’s head snapped to the side just in time to see the guy running down the alley and Steve hitting the ground. Bucky screamed, running to his side. The girl came after him, helping him hold pressure on the wound.

“Steve, oh my god, Steve!”

Steve coughed, blood come up with the sound. His hand coming up and touching his lips. He pulled it away and groaned. “I think I fell in love with you, Buck…” he breathed. He felt light headed, breathing was getting harder and he started to close his eyes. “I should have told you before… It’s why I couldn’t get too close to you… I was too scared…”

“Steve, no, open your eyes.” Bucky said, touching his face and smeared blood on a porcelain cheek. “Don’t do this to me, baby, don’t leave me, Stevie, please.” He was crying now, choking on his tears as he rushed his words.

“I called 911, someone is coming.” She said, looking up at Bucky.

Bucky barely heard her. He was too focused on screaming and crying out for his boyfriend.

 

 

 

 

_“Lying beside you, here in the dark…” Steve could hear Bucky singing as he passed the bathroom. He loved Bucky’s voice, deep and raspy and perfect. “Feeling your heart beat with mine…”_

 “Fuck, he’s bleeding out. Someone get me more lap pads!” He heard someone say faintly. What are lap pads?

Steve opened his eyes, blinking a few times before too bright lights came into view. Where was he? He reached up, his hands shaking as he saw blood.

What was happening to him?

Was this blood his?

Fuck, why is he in so much pain?

A blonde woman leaned over him, her lips moving before her voice reached him.

“Mr. Rogers, my name is Sharon. I’m a nurse at Brooklyn General Hospital. Can you tell us what happened to you?” Her voice is faint and far away.

Steve knit his brows together, a soft squeak coming out of his mouth. He heard a shrill, long sound; like a heart monitor. Shit, was he dying?  

 “Steve!” Bucky screaming, a male nurse holding him back as the machines registered Steve’s heart stopping. Tears streamed down his face, his eyeliner bleeding onto his cheeks.

_“So now I come to you with open arms…” Steve was sitting against the wall, legs pulled to his chest. He didn’t know when he would get a chance like this again. He needs to remember it. “Nothing to hide, hear what I say…”_

The staff were screaming at each other, running around the room to try, and fix the love of his life. He could see the gold of Steve’s ring glinting in the harsh lighting. Bucky watched as Steve’s shirt was cut off his body, exposing his chest and the extent of his wound. There was gaping hole in his stomach, blood glistening around the edges. Oh God, he was going to be sick.

They all moved back as one doctor pressed metal paddles to his chest.

“Clear!” She yelled, pressing down. Steve’s body arched but before crashing back down onto the table. They all paused, watching the screens that monitored Steve’s vital signs. The heart monitor started beeping again. They all exhaled, relieved that Steve was back.

“Fuck, Carter, go prep OR twelve. He’s gonna to need surgery.” People started leaving the room, running off to follow the doctor’s orders. “Okay, people, let’s look alive. We have a life to save.”

“Mr. Barnes,” the nurse holding Bucky said softly. “Your boyfriend is going to need surgery. He’s in the best hands right now. He’s going to be fine.”

Their last conversation plays over and over in his head.

 “She tried to warn me…” Bucky whispered, finally relaxing against the nurse. He steered Bucky into sitting into a chair.

“Who did, Mr. Barnes?” The nurse asked, waving for the police officer to come over.

“The girl,” he whispered. “There was this couple in an alley. They were arguing and Steve couldn’t leave it alone.” Bucky leaned forward, pressing his face into his hands. “He’s so righteous, stupid sonovabitch. He can’t leave something alone if it doesn’t feel right to him.” Bucky started to cry again. “The guy called him a fag, saying that whatever was going on wasn’t his business. But Steve couldn’t help himself. He charged at the guy, ripped him off the girl and slammed him into wall. I couldn’t hear what they were talking about because I was checking on the girl. She tried to warn me, she started to tell me that he had a gun but then he shot Steve before she got it all out.”

Bucky was sobbing now, shoulder’s shaking. The nurse, Bucky vaguely remembers his name being Johnny, rubbed his back. “You’re okay. Brooklyn Gen has the best trauma center on the east coast.” He said, smiling at him. “He’ll be good as new soon.”

_“The sensations overwhelming…” Bucky sang “Give me a long kiss good night and everything will be all right. Tell that I won’t feel a thing. So, give me nonvaccine.” Bucky turned off the shower, stream billowing out of the bathroom as he adjusted his towel. He stopped short, laughing as he saw Steve sitting on the ground. “You goof, what’re ya doin’?”_

Steve’s eyes blinked open and everything he saw was white.

“Well, look who’s awake,” a pretty female voice said. He slowly turned his head to be met with Natasha, bright red hair tied in a bun on top of her head. She was wearing a well-loved hoodie from NYU, arms crossed over her chest. “You know your mother would kill you if she saw you like this.”

Steve sighed and looked back at the ceiling, which hurt, and rolled his eyes, which also hurt. “Yeah, well she ain’t, Nat.” He looked back over at her. “Is the girl okay?”

She nodded, sitting up in her chair. “Yeah, her and that boy toy of yours were in here for a few hours before I got here.”

“What ‘boy toy’? You mean Bucky?” Steve asked, looking around. “Where is he?” He sat up and clenched his jaw together to keep from screaming.

Natasha stood, pushing a button, and saying: “He’s with the police, giving a statement.” Steve felt heavy and sleepy. “Get some sleep, Rogers. He’ll be here when you wake up.”

 

 

 

God, he was in so much pain. His sides hurt. His stomach hurt. His eyes hurt. Fucking everything hurt. Steve slowly opened his eyes, groaning, and looking around. Where the fuck was he?

“Stevie,” he heard Bucky breathe, a chair scraping back. Bucky’s hands were gently touching his face, soft lips pressing to his own. “Oh, my god, baby, you scared me.”

Steve looked over to him, smiling softly. “Bucky…” He said softly. “You’re so pretty, Bucky…”

Johnny told that Steve would be a little loopy from the morphine.

“Thanks, sugar. You ain’t too bad yourself,” He said, kissing his forehead. “How are you feeling?”

“Better now that you’re here.” He flirted.

Bucky laughed, shaking his head. “Jesus, Rogers. You’re hopped up on a million and one drugs and you still ain’t got no game.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” Steve asked, smiling and humming. “But you gotta promise not to tell Bucky.”

He laughed harder, biting his lip to keep himself together. “I won’t tell, I swear.”

“I love Bucky, even though I don’t know his real name. He’s aces.”

“James.”

“Nah, the name’s Steve, buddy.”

“No, that’s his real name. He goes by his middle name.” Bucky supplied, rubbing his head through Steve’s hair.

“Wha’ kinda middle name is ‘Bucky’?” Steve slurred, leaning into Bucky’s hand.

“It’s short for Buchanan.”

“Do you think Bucky loves me back?” Steve whispered, eyes wide with wonder.

“I think so, Stevie. I think he does.”

 

 


	4. Author's Note That Will Be Deleted

Hi, guys! I've been gone for almost a year and I am so sorry. I'm a student and I work almost 40 hours a week. I promise that I have not abandoned this fic. I will be coming back very soon with an update and new fic that I started while I was away. 

Let me know if you guys even still want this fic to be updated and if my daddy kink friends out there still want the daddy kink fic I've been working on. 

Love you guys! See you soon!

-Casey


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